Jean Smart never expected to be dating again.
For more than three decades, the Designing Women star had Richard Gilliland beside her. They met at work, married in 1987, raised two sons and built the sort of long Hollywood marriage that quietly endured while both continued acting.
Then, in March 2021, Gilliland died unexpectedly at 71.
Smart was 69. Their younger son was only 12. And suddenly the woman who had spent roughly half her life with the same man was facing a future she had never imagined.
Years later, she agreed to one terrifying first date.
She went home convinced it had been a disaster.
The man called her again anyway.
Today, at 75, Smart is in a relationship with actor Joe Pacheco, and the two have become increasingly comfortable appearing together in public. (People.com)
It Started on the Set of ‘Designing Women’
Long before Hacks turned Smart into Deborah Vance, she was Charlene Frazier Stillfield on CBS’s Designing Women.
The sitcom premiered in 1986.
That same year, Richard Gilliland appeared on the series as J.D. Shackelford, the boyfriend of Annie Potts’ character, Mary Jo Shively.
Smart noticed him.
She wanted to know whether he was single and recruited costar Delta Burke to find out. Once she discovered he was available, Smart found a wonderfully transparent excuse to spend time with him: she invited him to her dressing room to help her with a crossword puzzle.
It worked.
Within a year, they were married.
Smart and Gilliland wed in June 1987 at the home of her Designing Women costar Dixie Carter and Carter’s husband, Hal Holbrook. (People.com)
Their Marriage Grew Alongside Their Careers
Gilliland wasn’t simply “Jean Smart’s husband.”
He had his own substantial acting career, with roles in series including The Waltons, Thirtysomething and Party of Five. He and Smart would also work together again, including on 24.
But Smart has spoken about the compromises Gilliland made for her career and their family.
Their first son, Connor, arrived in October 1989.
Nearly two decades later, they expanded their family again, adopting Forrest from China. PEOPLE reports that Forrest joined the family in 2009; the adoption was publicly announced in January 2010. (People.com)
By then, Smart and Gilliland had already spent more than 20 years together.
They had no reason to believe they wouldn’t have many more.
Then Richard Became Ill
In 2021, Smart was working on the first season of Hacks when something seemed wrong with Gilliland.
Because it was during the pandemic, she initially suspected COVID-19.
Gilliland was experiencing pain when breathing deeply. Smart later said she took him to be tested, but his condition turned out to be far more serious.
He died on March 18, 2021, following what was publicly described as a brief illness. He was 71. Smart later described his death as resulting from a heart condition. (People.com)
The shock stayed with her.
“It was so unexpected,” she later recalled.
She had expected another 20 years with him.
Instead, nearly 34 years of marriage ended without warning.
‘Half My Life I Lived With Him’
Smart has lost other people she loved.
But she said losing her spouse felt fundamentally different.
When she discussed Gilliland’s death in 2024, she described losing a partner of 35 years as “indescribable.”
For a period, she couldn’t quite accept that what had happened was real.
“This just doesn’t make any sense,” she remembered thinking. (People.com)
And there was little opportunity to disappear completely into grief.
Smart still had Forrest to raise.
He was 12 when his father died.
Her Older Son Came Home to Help
Connor was already an adult when his father died.
He stepped in.
Smart later revealed that Connor moved back home for a period, helping his mother and younger brother adjust to a completely different family life. (People.com)
Smart tried to become the stable parent Forrest needed.
She later described those first years as running on adrenaline, determined to show her sons that she could still “steer the ship.” (People.com)
It was an enormous adjustment.
Smart had spent decades parenting alongside Richard.
Now every decision ultimately rested with her.
Meanwhile, Something Extraordinary Was Happening Professionally
The timing was almost cruel.
While Smart was experiencing one of the most devastating periods of her private life, her career was exploding.
Hacks premiered in May 2021, just weeks after Gilliland’s death.
Her performance as legendary Las Vegas comedian Deborah Vance became one of the most acclaimed roles of her career.
Awards followed.
Emmys.
Golden Globes.
Critical acclaim.
At an age when actresses have traditionally complained that substantial roles become increasingly scarce, Smart was suddenly experiencing a career peak.
But Richard wasn’t there to see it unfold.
She Wasn’t Thinking About Replacing Him
There was no neat moment when grief ended and Smart decided she was ready for romance.
Years passed.
Eventually, she met actor Joe Pacheco at a friend’s party.
Pacheco was also an actor, with credits including television work, but Smart kept the relationship itself extremely private.
And before there was a relationship, there had to be something she hadn’t done in more than 30 years.
A first date.
Smart eventually agreed to dinner.
It was terrifying.
Her First Date Was a Disaster — At Least in Her Head
In May 2026, Smart finally told Julia Louis-Dreyfus what that first evening felt like.
She was a wreck.
As she sat across from her date, Smart said she practically watched herself from outside her own body, internally criticizing everything she said.
Was she boring?
Had she said something stupid?
Was she interesting enough?
She hadn’t dated since before smartphones, dating apps or even the internet had transformed how people met.
And now she was trying to do it after losing the man she’d spent more than three decades with.
Smart called the experience “insanely demoralizing.” (People.com)
Then Came the Goodbye That Made Her Feel Even Worse
At the end of the evening, her date gave her what Smart interpreted as a friendly little side hug.
That was it.
Smart went home convinced she would never hear from him again.
She remembered feeling older and less attractive than she ever had.
The evening felt depressing.
But her prediction was spectacularly wrong.
He called.
And then he kept calling. (People.com)
The Man Was Joe Pacheco
Smart didn’t name her partner during that deeply personal podcast conversation.
She simply described him as an “extremely lovely man.”
But by then, she had repeatedly appeared publicly with actor Joe Pacheco, and PEOPLE identifies Pacheco as Smart’s current partner. (People.com)
Pacheco has worked as an actor for years and has remained considerably less famous than Smart.
That seems to suit them.
Their relationship didn’t arrive with a magazine cover or dramatic announcement.
Instead, people gradually began noticing the same silver-haired man accompanying Smart to important nights.
For a While, They Let the Photographs Speak
Pacheco accompanied Smart to the Emmys.
He was there again at other industry events.
In a 2025 interview, Smart acknowledged that she was dating a “wonderful actor” without turning the relationship into a public spectacle.
Then came January 2026.
Smart and Pacheco attended the Golden Globes together.
This time they weren’t simply standing near one another.
They walked the red carpet holding hands.
Smart wore a flowing white gown with gold detailing, while Pacheco appeared beside her in a traditional black tuxedo. The two posed openly as a couple.
And Jean Thanked ‘Joe’ From the Stage
The evening became even more personal when Smart won for Hacks.
Among the people she acknowledged was Joe.
It was a tiny moment compared with the enormous public declarations that often accompany celebrity romances.
But that suited their relationship.
There was no need for a dramatic announcement.
The man she’d once been certain would never call after their awkward first dinner was now sitting in the audience while she accepted another major award.
She Still Has One Anxiety About Their Relationship
Smart has been surprisingly candid about one detail.
Pacheco is younger than she is.
When she discussed her relationship in May, Smart said her partner was 67.
Smart was 74 at the time.
The age difference made her nervous. (People.com)
It’s a revealing admission because the anxiety wasn’t really about celebrity gossip.
It came from having already experienced the death of a spouse.
After losing Richard unexpectedly, Smart understood in an unusually immediate way that every relationship eventually involves loss.
Opening herself to another person therefore meant opening herself to vulnerability again.
And she chose to do it anyway.
Joe Eventually Appeared in Jean’s Professional World Too
Their relationship gradually crossed into Smart’s working life.
Pacheco accompanied her to the premiere of the fifth and final season of Hacks in Los Angeles.
The couple arrived hand in hand, Smart in a metallic suit and Pacheco beside her in gray.
By then, describing him merely as a mysterious red-carpet companion no longer made sense.
He was her partner.
But Smart never presented him as the man who made her forget Richard.
That’s an important distinction.
Richard Has Never Disappeared From Her Story
Smart still talks about Gilliland.
She still tells the story about spotting him on Designing Women.
She remembers his smile.
She talks about how funny he was.
She remembers the family they created.
And she has continued describing the pain of his death even while discussing her new relationship.
Those aren’t contradictory things.
Finding Pacheco didn’t erase 35 years with Gilliland.
It didn’t need to.
Her Sons Remain Her ‘Anchor’
Through both chapters, Smart’s children have remained central.
Connor is now an adult and generally lives outside the public spotlight.
Forrest, now 17, has occasionally accompanied his mother to major events.
At the 2026 Emmys, he joined Smart on another extraordinary night for Hacks. She thanked both Connor and Forrest during her acceptance speech and called her sons her “anchor.” (People.com)
That description feels particularly significant given everything that happened after Gilliland’s death.
The boys needed their mother.
But Smart has made clear that they also helped carry her.
At 75, She Is Living a Chapter She Never Planned
Smart turned 75 in September 2026.
Her circumstances bear little resemblance to what she probably imagined five years earlier.
Richard is gone.
Forrest is approaching adulthood.
Hacks has finished its five-season run.
And the actress who thought her first date in more than 30 years had gone catastrophically badly now has someone beside her again.
Pacheco isn’t replacing Gilliland.
He arrived in the life that continued after him.
That makes the photographs of Smart and Pacheco particularly poignant.
They aren’t evidence that Smart “moved on” and left her husband behind.
They show that grief and new happiness can exist in the same life.
The Viral Story Is Essentially True — With One Important Nuance
Jean Smart did lose the man she had spent roughly 35 years with.
Richard Gilliland died unexpectedly in 2021 after nearly 34 years of marriage. (People.com)
She really did believe her first attempt at dating afterward had been a humiliating disaster.
And she really did eventually form a relationship with Joe Pacheco, who has now accompanied her openly to awards ceremonies and premieres. (People.com)
But reducing the story to “Jean Smart found love again” misses what makes it moving.
She didn’t stop loving Richard in order to make room for Joe.
She learned that the life she thought had ended with her husband’s death could still contain something unexpected.
More than five years after Gilliland died, Smart can talk about the husband she misses, celebrate the sons they raised together, walk onto a red carpet holding another man’s hand — and let all of those things be true at once.
At 75, her second chance at companionship isn’t a replacement for the love story she lost. It’s simply a chapter she never expected she’d get to write.
For more heartwarming stories, read about how ‘My Girl’ Star Anna Chlumsky Walked Away From Hollywood at the Height of Her Fame – Now 45, She’s Raising a Family With the Man She Met in College or discover how Jean Smart Was Married Before Richard Gilliland – and Years After Losing Her Husband of Decades, She Found an Unexpected Second Chance at Love.
