For most people who know Jean Smart’s love story, there is one name that immediately comes to mind: Richard Gilliland.
They met on the set of Designing Women, married in 1987, raised two sons and remained together until Gilliland’s sudden death in March 2021. Smart has described losing him as shocking and devastating, especially because she had imagined they would have many more years together. (People.com)
But there is a lesser-known chapter that came before Richard — and another surprising chapter that began after his death.
Smart was actually married once before. And at 75, after believing that part of her life might be over, she is now in a relationship with actor Joe Pacheco.
The viral graphic gets those chapters somewhat tangled: Richard Gilliland was Smart’s second husband and the man who died. Her first husband did not die during their marriage. (IMDb)
Long Before ‘Designing Women,’ Jean Was a Young Actress Just Starting Out
Smart’s life looked dramatically different in the early 1970s.
She had graduated from the University of Washington and was beginning the long, uncertain process of establishing herself as a professional actress.
In June 1974, at 22, she married John W. Norwalk Jr., then a second lieutenant in the U.S. Marine Corps. The wedding took place at St. Mark’s Episcopal Church in Seattle. (HistoryLink)
At the same time, Smart was throwing herself into acting.
She worked with the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, performing in productions ranging from Eugene O’Neill to Shakespeare, and gradually built the theatrical résumé that would eventually take her to Broadway and television.
Her first marriage, however, did not last.
Smart and Norwalk divorced in 1977, approximately three years after their wedding. (HistoryLink)
There were no children from the marriage.
And years before Smart became a television star, that chapter quietly ended.
Then ‘Designing Women’ Changed Everything
By 1986, Smart was playing Charlene Frazier Stillfield on Designing Women.
The CBS sitcom would become one of the defining roles of her career.
It also introduced her to the man who would become the defining relationship of her personal life.
Actor Richard Gilliland arrived on the series as J.D. Shackelford, the boyfriend of Annie Potts’ character Mary Jo Shively.
But Smart noticed him almost immediately.
She recently revisited their meeting on Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ Wiser Than Me podcast, remembering Gilliland as charming, cheeky and possessing a smile that caught her attention. (People.com)
Smart wanted to know whether he was available.
So she enlisted her Designing Women costar Delta Burke.
The approach was not particularly subtle.
Burke simply asked him.
A Crossword Puzzle Became an Excuse to Get Him Alone
Once Smart knew Gilliland was single, she found another way to get closer to him.
She invited him to her trailer.
Her excuse?
She needed help with crossword puzzles.
Decades later, Smart could laugh at how transparent the move really was. But it worked.
The two connected almost immediately.
Smart has described the beginning of their relationship as the kind of instant bond that changed everything. From that point forward, they were rarely apart.
In 1987, Richard Became Her Second Husband
Smart and Gilliland married on June 7, 1987.
Even the location tied their love story back to Designing Women.
The ceremony took place in the rose garden of the home belonging to Smart’s costar Dixie Carter and Carter’s husband, actor Hal Holbrook. (IMDb)
This time, the marriage would last for more than three decades.
Two years later, Smart became pregnant with their first child.
Their son Connor was born in October 1989. (People.com)
In a lovely coincidence, Smart learned she was pregnant around the same time her Designing Women character was entering a new chapter of her own life.
Suddenly the relationship that began with a television guest star had become a family.
Richard Sometimes Put Jean’s Career Ahead of His Own
Gilliland was an accomplished actor in his own right.
His credits stretched across decades and included The Waltons, Thirtysomething, Party of Five, Matlock and 24, where he eventually appeared alongside Smart.
But Smart has acknowledged something about their marriage that became clearer to her with time: Richard sometimes sacrificed professional opportunities so she could pursue hers.
She has spoken with enormous appreciation about how much he contributed to their family behind the scenes.
While audiences watched Smart’s career grow, Gilliland often provided stability at home.
That became particularly significant after Connor was born.
The couple managed two acting careers while trying to build a relatively normal family life away from Hollywood’s constant attention.
Then They Decided Their Family Wasn’t Finished
Nearly two decades after Connor arrived, Smart and Gilliland began thinking about another child.
They eventually adopted their younger son, Forrest, from China.
Sources differ slightly in describing the timing around the adoption process, but Smart and Gilliland brought Forrest into their family in 2009, when Connor was already around 20. (IMDb)
The enormous age gap between the brothers made their family structure unusual.
For Smart and Gilliland, it was simply another chapter.
Smart was approaching 60 and raising a young child again.
And Richard was right beside her.
Then, in 2021, Everything Changed
Smart was filming the first season of Hacks when Gilliland became ill.
At first, she feared he might have COVID.
He had been experiencing pain when taking deep breaths, and Smart took him for testing. She later said the medical situation ultimately involved a heart problem and became far more serious than either of them had anticipated. (Yahoo)
On March 18, 2021, Gilliland died at 71.
The couple had been married for nearly 34 years and together for roughly 35.
Smart was stunned.
“It was such a shock. It was so unexpected,” she later recalled. (Yahoo)
She had assumed they had more time.
Much more.
She Suddenly Had to Raise Forrest Without Him
Connor was already an adult.
Forrest was still a child.
Smart suddenly found herself grieving her husband while also trying to help her younger son understand life without his father.
Connor stepped in.
He moved back home for a period and helped his mother and younger brother navigate the aftermath. Smart has since described her sons as central to how she survived that chapter. (People.com)
She also returned to work.
Hacks was becoming one of the most important projects of her career just as her private life had been shattered.
That contrast was extraordinary.
Professionally, Smart was entering a renaissance.
Privately, she was learning how to live without the person who had shared almost her entire adult life.
The Grief Didn’t Simply Disappear
A year and a half after Gilliland’s death, Smart admitted something that surprised her.
In some ways, grieving had become harder.
Immediately after a death, she explained, there are practical things to do. Children need support. Decisions have to be made. Life keeps demanding attention.
Then the adrenaline disappears.
And the absence remains.
Smart said she felt “very lonely.” (The Independent)
Richard had made her laugh constantly.
She missed that.
She wasn’t publicly talking about finding another great romance.
After more than three decades with one man, dating wasn’t exactly a world she knew anymore.
Then somebody unexpected appeared.
She Met Joe Pacheco at a Friend’s Party
Years after Gilliland’s death, Smart attended a friend’s gathering.
There she met actor Joe Pacheco.
Pacheco has appeared in television projects including The Morning Show, The Sopranos, Grey’s Anatomy and Law & Order. (Just Jared)
Smart did not initially announce a new boyfriend.
Their relationship unfolded quietly.
And when she eventually discussed how it began on Wiser Than Me in May 2026, she didn’t even identify Pacheco by name.
She simply called the man she was dating an “extremely lovely man.” (Just Jared)
Their first date, however, was anything but smooth.
Her First Date in More Than 30 Years Felt Like a Disaster
Imagine returning to dating after spending more than three decades married to the same person.
Smart agreed to have dinner with Pacheco.
Then she went home convinced she’d blown it.
She described the experience as “insanely demoralizing.”
Smart was so certain the evening had gone badly that she thought:
“I will never hear from this man again.”
She was wrong.
Pacheco called. (Just Jared)
And what Smart had assumed was an unsuccessful first attempt at dating slowly became a relationship.
At First, They Kept Things Almost Entirely to Themselves
Pacheco began appearing beside Smart without a grand relationship announcement.
He accompanied her to the 2024 Emmy Awards and publicly referred to Smart as his date.
He was there again for the 2025 Emmys.
By June 2025, Smart acknowledged during an interview that she was seeing a “wonderful actor,” though she still did not publicly name him. (TV Insider)
The relationship gradually became harder to miss.
Then came the 2026 Golden Globes.
At 74, Jean Walked the Red Carpet Holding His Hand
On January 11, 2026, Smart and Pacheco arrived together at the Golden Globes.
This time there was little ambiguity.
They walked the carpet hand in hand.
Smart wore an elegant white gown with gold embellishment, while Pacheco appeared beside her in a black tuxedo. PEOPLE included them among the couples photographed together that evening.
Then Smart won for Hacks.
During her acceptance speech, she thanked the people surrounding her with support.
Her children.
Her colleagues.
And Joe.
It was a tiny public acknowledgment of a relationship she had spent considerable time keeping quiet. (TV Insider)
But Joe Isn’t Richard’s ‘Replacement’
This is where the viral framing can become misleading.
Smart’s relationship with Pacheco isn’t a story about discovering the man she should have married instead of Gilliland.
Richard Gilliland was her husband for nearly 34 years.
They built a family.
They raised two sons.
They shared careers, homes, ordinary days and major milestones.
Their marriage didn’t end because Smart chose somebody else.
It ended because Gilliland died.
Pacheco entered her life later.
Those two relationships don’t need to compete with each other.
Richard Is Still Part of the Way Jean Talks About Her Life
Smart hasn’t stopped speaking about Gilliland simply because she has fallen in love again.
When she remembers him publicly, there is still affection in the details.
The smile that initially attracted her.
The crossword-puzzle excuse.
His humor.
The sacrifices he made.
Their children.
The shock of losing him.
In May 2026, while discussing her new relationship, she was also happily telling stories about meeting Richard on Designing Women four decades earlier. (People.com)
That may be the clearest indication of how Smart approaches this chapter.
One love doesn’t erase another.
And Her Sons Remain at the Center of Everything
Smart’s older son, Connor, largely stays outside the spotlight.
Forrest occasionally joins his mother publicly.
Just days ago, 17-year-old Forrest accompanied Smart to the 2026 Emmy Awards.
Smart won again for playing Deborah Vance in Hacks, and during her acceptance speech she thanked Connor and Forrest, calling her sons her “anchor.” (People.com)
At 75, her life looks remarkably different from the one she expected when Gilliland was alive.
Her youngest son is approaching adulthood.
Hacks has completed its run.
Her career has reached extraordinary new heights.
And there is once again someone beside her at Hollywood events.
The Viral Story Mixes Up Three Different Men
The actual timeline is simpler — and more poignant — than the graphic suggests.
Smart’s first husband was John W. Norwalk Jr. They married in 1974 and divorced in 1977. (HistoryLink)
Her second husband was Richard Gilliland. They met on Designing Women, married in 1987 and remained married until his death in 2021. (People.com)
And years after becoming a widow, Smart found companionship again with Joe Pacheco, the actor who has increasingly appeared beside her at public events. (Just Jared)
There wasn’t another mystery husband who died before Smart could have her “happily ever after.”
Richard was that decades-long love story.
Joe represents something different.
She Never Expected to Be Starting Over
That’s what makes Smart’s story more interesting than the sensational version.
Her first marriage ended while she was still a young actress.
Her second lasted most of her adult life.
Then, at 69, she unexpectedly became a widow.
She had to become a single parent again.
She returned to work.
She won award after award.
She raised Forrest.
She grieved.
And eventually she went on a first date that she thought had been a complete disaster.
The man called her anyway.
Today, Smart and Pacheco are still appearing together, including hand in hand at the 2026 Golden Globes. (TV Insider)
It isn’t the love story Smart expected to be living at 75.
And it doesn’t rewrite the one she had with Richard Gilliland.
It simply proves that the end of one extraordinary chapter did not have to be the end of the book.
If you’re interested in other celebrity journeys, read about Demi Moore’s experience with plastic surgery scrutiny or Julia Stiles’ debut on *Dancing With The Stars*.
